I KNOCKED AT PARADISE DOORS
by cuddleNinja
Summary: "I been to paradise and it kicked me out. I knocked at its door and it didn't let me in. I know how it feels to live in peace and I know how it feels to lose all that..." How would you cope with life, if paradise kicked you outs its warm embrace?
1. Chapter 1

**I'm Knocking at Paradise's Door**

Chapter One: **I am a Fighter**

I was running through the city streets. My paws were starting to become numb from all the running. I was too scared to stop, and let the humans see me. I was running so fast that I didn't even pay attention to this new scent. I stopped and slipped into an empty part of an alley. I hopped up in a small hole in the wall. I curled up with my back facing the outside part. It was nighttime so my coal fur should cover me up until day. I was breathing heavy trying to calm the instinct to get up and run. The best move was to just sit and wait until things settle down. I sighed heavy and closed my eyes to get some sleep. I could not help but whimper at the thought of losing some of my pack members. I will miss them….They will always run with in my heart as a family no matter what.

I could hear people moving around outside these walls. I felt something touch my backside lightly. _**"It's a wolf, Tsume….What do we do?"**_A pup barked lightly at. My ears flickered when I heard that pleasant bark. I slightly growled when the pup kept poking my backside. I moved back some and turned around. The pup was a brown color and the wolf behind him was gray with a scar on his chest. **"**_**Hey! Your awake, didn't mean to wake you but we smelled you…A-Are you an f-f-female?"**_ the pup barked lightly in confusion. Most of the time other wolves will not know that I am a female inless I pee, if I am in heat, or/and if they get a whiff of my sent. I made sure to cover up from the humans and I guess the pup could not tell because he could not really see my body but my eyes and snout. I shuffled so I could get my legs under me and move forward. The pup backed up and looked in awe as I stepped out the whole. The gray wolf growled and got in a fighting stance. _**"This isn't a bitch! Toboe get back!"**_I growled loudly and the pup named Toboe jumped by how strong it came out. **"**_**Tsume, I think this is a female."**_Toboe barked in defense. That's when he slowly walks up to me. I couldn't help but growl low again and watch his every move. He dipped low and started to sniff my under belly. Then Toboe's nose slowly moved to my entrance and sniffed lightly. He could tell I wasn't a boy because I didn't have a penis. I growled as I felt his nose press me. I moved quickly and nipped at his hind legs. Toboe jumped back quickly. He became aroused, I can tell from the sent he gave off.

"_**Tsume…it's F-female…" **_Toboe barked a little too happily. Tsume stance stilled didn't loosen up but his growling stopped. "_**She too damn big for a female wolf**_," Tsume growled out quickly. Toboe jumped beside him and flatten his ear, tucked his tail. I growled back and jumped at Tsume, I didn't have time for this bullshit. I could feel my teeth insert into his shoulder blade. I was the best-known hurter in my pack and a true warrior. I could feel Tsume sink his teeth into my hip and I didn't let out a whimper. I heard Toboe bark in hurt even though he wasn't the one that was attacked. I started to drop low and Tsume growled in victory. That is when I rolled over and Tsume was the one that was on his back now as I stood. I could feel Tsume flesh begin to get tender and I shook my head from side to side pulling. I heard a bark/ whimper and I felt teeth release me. I felt the bite marks burn into my flesh. I was about to win until I barked in surprise when something bit into my neck and tackled me. I didn't let go of Tsume and he was drag with the blow.

"_**Let go of him now or it'll be you that will die!"**_ I could feel the wolf growl around my throat.

"_**Tsume! Damn, that bitch just won't let go**_!" I heard another voice in the distant.

I jumped and release Tsume go and tried to reach for the wolf that bit my stomach. I growled all the flashbacks of my old pack came back. My stomach was my soft spot and it was…...I just had a painful flashback that made me want to defend my stomach. I could feel whoever was on my neck tighten. Therefore, I couldn't move to defend my stomach. That's when the wolf didn't bite my stomach that hard, _**"Seems like someone is gentle underneath, ha-ha."**_

I got a glimpse of the wolf near my stomach and was almost honey color if not darker. He was chubby, with a black color around his neck. He didn't look fearful at all but …. Delighted. I growled lightly at him in threat! _**"I dare you to go near my stomach again! Before I rip your voice cord out your throat then eat you!**_" I growled out aggressively forgetting the wolf on my throat.

I could feel my throat hold loosen. I was lying on my side now and was half way under the one who was holding my neck. I looked up only to see a white chest. My eyes traveled up to me a muscular jaw frame, nicely framed head muscles, and golden eyes that told a story. He was the pack leader but I wasn't fazed by him what so ever. I stood up and didn't even wince when the blood on my leg was shooting pains through me. _**"You are a pretty cute wolf, you should stay with us." **_I looked at the chubby one with the collar and shot him a death glare with my green/gray eyes. Tsume growled, "_**I WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO JOIN THIS FUCKING GROUP REGARDLESS OF HOW PRETTY YOU THINK THAT BITCH IS!"**_ I turned my head slowly and smirked at my own damage on his body. The piece of flesh I bit into was hanging a bit off his body and you could see pink around his whole shoulder blade. The white wolf looked at the wound and frowned. I couldn't why he frowned if it was very awesome. _**"You know, most wolves stop running their mouths once they got beaten."**_ I growled and looked at him straight in the eyes, preparing for another battle. Until the white wolf growled and stood in front of me, we were nose to nose looking into each other eyes. _**"You are very determined to fight. Most female wolves don't fight a lot. Why you though?"**_ He growled lightly at me but still hold that ready to attack stance.

I growled, _**"I fight because I have to, I enjoy it, I was built to, and I damn sure won't stop now that you came along!"**_

"_**Who ain't she a feisty one? I like that in a female."**_ I heard the chubby one say with an excited bark.

That is when Toboe barked at us, _**"Guys humans are coming! They must have heard the commotion! Kiba, Hige, and Tsume lets go!" **_Toboe start to run down the alleyway opposite of me. I assume Kiba was the white wolf, since his ears perked up when Toboe said that. He pulled his nose from mines and looked at me as if I was coming. I only turned the opposite, ran, and turned the corner quickly. Hige barked after me, "_**Wait!" "Let her go she's alone wolf…."**_ Kiba scuffed lightly before helping Tsume run. I could still feel Hige eyes on me.

I was far from them until I heard gunshots and a loud whimper. I stopped dead in my tracks. I just met a pack….and attacked them. I could feel strings of my old pack coming back into me. I heard a loud bark/whimper and turned around quickly toward their direction. That Toboe's bark damn pup dug into my heart already.

I could see them in the distance and I could feel my muscles working over drive. I was catching to them faster than I expected. I could see Kiba trying to fight them off and Hige being his back up. I saw Toboe lying beside Tsume who seem lying on the ground from loss of energy and blood. Either he need to rest or he would die soon. I jumped and attacked the humans face. I could hear them gasp and heard Toboe bark in excitement. I knew everyone else was shocked just like the humans but they came over it. I could still feel under me struggling and so I crushed my jaws together cracking his skull. I also took a big chop out of his whole head. I turned around to face the humans as I could the blood drip form my mouth. They looked at me with horror in their eyes. One of them points a gun at me but Kiba got him on the neck. That's when I jumped and bit the one close to me face off. I moved beside Kiba quickly and he would sometimes use me for a bounce to reach others farther back.

I turned to see Toboe limping lightly over to me. My motherly instinct came over and a rubbed him with my snout. He stiffen up but then loosen, Toboe lied down on his side and left me brush around to see he was ok. He winced when I touched the gun wound. I begin to licked it and whimper softly to him. Toboe blushed, _**"T-Thank you…May I ask you your name?"**_

I pulled from him and licked behind his ears, growling lightly it almost sounded like a purr. I could feel my heart fill up with warmth.

I pulled from him giving him a soft glance, _**"Polar."**_

Hige barked, _**"That's a pretty name."**_

I gave him my usual cold glare and he still smirked. I turn to Kiba who was sitting down near one of the dead humans. _**"We have to keep moving. We have to keep in search of paradise."**_ He stood up in his human form. I looked at them all to see they were in human form. Toboe smiled down at me, "Aren't you going to change?"

I looked at him but slowly I did. They all looked at me in awe. I had beauty mark in the corner of my eyes, my eyes were teal, short hair with a smile side bang, hair was black with but of dark brown streaks, I had on a mini navy blue dress with leggings under. The leggings had stripes going down the side, the stripes were a nice white/lavender, with calf high boots on that was black with white strings but some lavender butterflies on the back going up. I also had a half of hooded jacket on that was lavender. The dress hung out like a flower dress but it still clung my muscles that I knew was defended and ample breast. The leggings were tightening to my nicely built legs leading into a firm, round, and soft butt.

I looked at them, "Don't we have to get a move on." Kiba picked Tsume up who growled weakly at me. Tsumes eyes were closed and I went to his other side to help him. He growled at me. I growled back, "Either you allow me to help or you will die,"

He stopped struggle. Toboe smiled, "Are you coming Polar, with us to paradise?"

I looked at him with a blank expression, yet soft, "I been to paradise and it kicked me out. I knocked at its door and it didn't let me in. I know how it feels to live in peace and I know how it feels to lose all that. I'll tell you this Toboe….I'll help you guys travel to paradise doors. If it doesn't let you in then I'll be outside waiting for you."

Toboe frowned at the sad story, "Why won't you come? What if we are accepted, all wolves are accepted!"

I shook my head, "Toboe! Stop trying to beat around the separation that will soon to come. A wolf is a pack lover but at the same time if put to the test, it can survive on its own. I cannot go back into paradise because it already kicked me out! I can't knocks at its door because it already left it shut….In due time, Toboe you will understand, but now just live in the moment. Let's go."

I could feel Kiba eyes on me. I turned to look at him. Those blue eyes looked deep into my teal ones. He too was curious about my riddle. I smirked at him and I started to laugh.

In due time they will know what I mean….Soon

TBC ~REVIEW PLZ~ FIRST WOLF RAIN STORY~


	2. Chapter 2

I knocked At Paradise Door

Chapter Two: A song, No One will sing

We were not that far from the city but we were far enough to rest a while. Toboe was watching the whole time we traveled and I have to say, his staring annoyed me a little. I know he do not mean it but still though. We placed Tsume against a wall. Tsume was the one that needed the most rest. Hige held his stomach as a growl came from it. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "Are, you always hungry?" Hige chuckled and scooted over near me. "You know I won't be hungry if-"I slammed my foot into his face. Hige stumbled back and Toboe started to snicker. Hige rubbed his nose and glared at Toboe, "It's not funny! How would you like to get kicked in the face with a boot?" Toboe was still snicker, "I wouldn't like it but you brought that onto yourself." Kiba was sitting on the other side of me. He just simply shook his head from side to side. I rolled my eyes and scooted away from him.

Tsume growled lowly and glared at me with one eye open. "Just because I'm not attacking doesn't mean I won't get you back! You low life bitch!" Toboe winced at Tsume's harshness, "Tsume stop calling her that. She has a name you know. Polar, is her name." I smiled softly at Toboe and glared at Tsume. "Toboe, you have to know that most old dogs can't think straight when a female beats them." "Shut your damn mouth!" Tsume barked at me. I smiled at him and burst out laughing. It was funny how one wolf could hold so much anger. Hige looked at me with a raised eyebrow. Kiba had a little smug smirk on his face. Toboe was laughing with me.

_A place to crash  
I Got You  
No need to ask  
I Got You  
Just get on the phone  
I Got You  
Come and pick you up  
If I have to_

Kiba eyes got a little wide, Hige looked at me with a smile, Toboe blushed, and Tsume was looking at me with a soft glare. I smiled even more and hummed before standing up and twirling lightly.

_Whats weird about it  
Cause were right at the end  
Mad about it  
Just figured it out in my head  
Im proud to say  
I Got U_

I grabbed Kiba's hand and pulled him to his feet. I reached for Hige to lean off the wall. Toboe came to me before I reached him. I slowly grabbed Tsume's hand and he got up slowly.

_Go ahead and say goodbye  
I'll be alright  
Go ahead and make me cry  
I'll be alright  
And when you need a place  
To run to  
For better or worse  
I Got You_

I twirled around in a circle in my human form. As Kiba, Toboe, Hige, and Tsume sat in their wolf form, sitting in a circle around me. I looked up into the sky with tears in my eyes.

_In falling apart  
Of  
Lets be bigger than that  
And remember  
The colding outdoor  
We were both alone  
Both surviving  
No drama no need for a show  
Just wanna say;  
I Got You_

I fell to my knees singing still. The words flowing out my mouth like a river go down stream in the moon light. I saw Toboe walk over to my left side and pressed his head against my shoulder. I moved my arms to hug him lightly.

_Go ahead and say goodbye  
I'll be alright  
Go ahead and make me cry  
I'll be alright  
And when you need a place  
To run to  
For better or worse  
I Got You_

Go ahead and say goodbye  
I'll be alright  
Go ahead and make me cry  
I'll be alright  
And when you need a place  
To run to  
For better or worse  
I Got You

Kiba walked up to me and licked my face. I touched my cheek and I could feel wetness. I was crying, I didn't want to cry. I didn't even know I was crying. I felt Tsume press his head on my shoulders. I touched his snout and rocked back and forth. Hige walked up on my right and licked my shoulder tenderly. I hiccupped lightly and patted all of them in some kind of way with my body part.

_Cause this is love that I  
And nothing we can both control  
And if it don't feel right  
You're not losing me by letting me know_

I begin to rock back and forth lightly and hum the tune when there was a long pause. I kissed all their foreheads and smiled lightly to myself.

_So,  
Go ahead and say goodbye  
I'll be alright  
Go ahead and make me cry  
I'll be alright  
And when you need a place  
To run to  
For better or worse  
I Got You_

Go ahead and say goodbye  
I'll be alright  
Go ahead and make me cry  
I'll be alright  
And when you need a place  
To run to  
For better or worse  
I Got You

I tighten my grip on them and I could feel Tsume wince from me leaning on him. I moved a little bit so all my weight wasn't on him. Toboe whimpered in comfort and Hige was nipping my shoulder still. Kiba was pressing his nose to me cheek lightly licking my cheek time to time.

_A place to crash  
I Got You  
No need to ask  
I Got You_

I hummed out the last word until my light hiccup interrupted it. _**"You have been hurt haven't you Polar."**_ Toboe light whimper came to my ears. I turned into my wolf form and my ears were down, flat against my head. I sat in the middle of them look at all of them. My eyes still quivered with unseen tears. _**"It'll be ok Polar; you don't have to cry no more."**_ Hige low bark came to my ears as well.

I looked up at the moon and I howled. My painful, lonely, sorrow howl reached their ears. The song that a wolf of should never sing but listen to. A song that shouldn't be heard but told. A tale that you are lucky you are not in…Yet here I was howling the night away at the big round moon of the night. I howled so long that my lungs felt like they were going to burst. The other looked up at the moon, also. They all had a memory showing in their eyes. That is when I heard Toboe join me in my howling. Then Hige and Tsume, I stopped howling getting air into my lungs. I looked in front of me to see Kiba looking me dead in my face. "_**What happen to you Polar? What makes you think, you cannot reach paradise? Who ever told you this, lied? I must know what happen so bad that you are like this."**_ Kiba soft growl touched my ears lightly.

I leaned forward and nuzzled him a little roughly. _**"You ask too much questions, you know that right. I'll tell you this Kiba… Only a wolf can reach paradise and only a wolf will be forced out. I was that wolf and I'll always be that wolf. I cannot change faint…"**_ That's when I could feel one name on the tip of my tongue. I whimpered and lowered my head. Kiba looked at me and leaned forward to nuzzle my neck. It didn't help I just whimpered some more.

"_**I-Iris"**_

"_**I-Iris"**_

"_**I-I-Iris…."**_ I couldn't stop whimpering the name out. Toboe watched in teary eyes, as I laid down curled up into a ball. I was shaking with sadness and hurt. I felt Hige curl up beside Toboe and me as well. _**"A tough female, will always have a weak spot."**_ Tsume growled lightly before curling up as well. I did not have time to argue with him. Kiba curled up to me, placing his head over my neck. "You know, for a wolf that is in a pack…you howl so sadly, lonely….Polar, you sing beautifully. I don't know who Iris is….but I wish you wouldn't think about them if they get you depressed…I don't want to see this out of my pack member…..Polar." I whimpered at the mention of Iris's name. Kiba may have been right but he didn't understand. Those were just words with no feeling behind them. Even if he did know, he barely knew the feeling. He wasn't in my paws and he doesn't want to be, no matter how much he tries to act like it.

My lungs felt tight. I shivered in coldness, even if everyone is curled up against me. I still felt cold. I felt empty, lonely and…..lost. I thought I was strong enough to sing another sing. Yet all it did brought back painful memories that shot right into my heart. My heart wasn't prepared for this, the whole was too big and I was dying slowly. I would rather die…..Yet, there is something I have to do now. That is to take this pack to paradise….I even promised the pup that'll I'll stay outside paradise doors waiting for them… Did I lie to Toboe? I never lie…No, I will wait for them as long as possible… I just hope they understand when the ending is coming.

When I woken up I was surprised to find only Toboe lying agaisnt me. I stood slowly and Toboe open his eyes slwoly. _**"What happen...Oh, thats right Polar! Are you alright? You from last night..."**_ Toboe whimpered lightly at me. I looked at him with a warm expression. I yawned and stretched. I jumped when I felt something bite m backside. I turned aorund to Tsme sinking his teeth into me lightly yet hard. I growled at him, **_"I dare you, at least ask to bite my ass!" "Now thats the girl I know. Whatever happen last night, I'll forget it...if you apolgize." _**Tsume growled in victory to himself. I know if I don't say sorry he'll hold that emotional thing against for the rest of my life. I gave a light snicker, **_"Tsume, you little bitch! What wolf use bribe to win their battles!" _**Tsume growled and was about to reach for me when Kiba jumped in front of him. He tackeld Tsume to the ground and growled lightly. **_"Both of you stop! We need to get moving...Humans aren't too far from here. They found a trail-" "Tsumes blood"_** I barked in lightly. Tsume growled at me. Hige ran to us in human form. He was brearthing heavy, "Guys! They are close by! I got us some bread but it won't last us long." While he was talking everyone else shifted to our human forms.

"Lets go then, Hige put that in your jacket. Come on hurry!" Kiba yelled as he dashed down the side of the wall. We was almost near the outskirts of the wall. I began running, I was trully sprinting. I passed Kiba and kept running. I was built to run and buil to hunt...I turned to look over my shoudler to see Toboe and Tsume beginning the slowlest. Hige was a couple of feet behind Kiba. Toboe was trying to help Tsume since he was still weak but the bleeding stopped. I turned back and ran past Kiba and Hige. Hige turned over is shoulder to see me helping Tsume.

"Toboe, run ahead, I got this big gray log." I told him with a smirk on my face. Toboe laughed and ran up with Hige.

I felt Tsume growl, "Oh, I'm a log now! Why aren't you just the superhero bitch!"

I glared at him with my hard teal eyes, "I'm not super and will never be...I was just raised to survive on my own...because all I had was mom, dad...but even they was splitting apart...Then the pack...enough about that, lets get a move before Kiba and them leaves us behind."

I felt Tsume scuff at me but he knew I was right. I rolled my eyes, he was so annoying, I can't see how Kiba can put up with him...Kiba...What he said the night before...I should thank him later. That made me realize that I shouldnt think about someone close if they only going to bring me pain and sorrow in the end. Kiba...What have you been through to know this? What story are your eyes trying to hide from me? I want to know...Kiba...Tsume...Toboe...Hige...My pack

TBC[I'LL KEEP IT A SECRET ON WHAT PAIR IT IS =] I WANT YOU GUYS TO FIGURE IT OUT =] SONG I GOT YOU- LEONA LEWIS] REVIEW PLZ


	3. Chapter 3

I Knocked At Paradise Door

Chapter Three: Tsume's Growl and the Flower….THE BREAKUP!

We were finally out the city. I sat down panting heavy, my pink tongue hanging out the side of my mouth. Hige handed out the bread and we ate quickly. I rolled in the dirt still panting heavy. Kiba was looking at all of us. _**"We have to travel through the snow to get to the next city. Polar, are you up for it?"**_ Kiba barked lightly, walking past me. I looked at him as I sat back up, _**"I'm always ready when you are. You just need to make sure Tsume keeps up, you know what they say about old dogs."**_ Tsume growled and jumped up in my face. I had a smug smirk on my face. _**"Watch yourself! You fat bitch!"**_ Tsume growled out. I glared at him when he called me fat. I stood and started to growl, _**"Who you calling fat! You old dog, I'm afraid if the wind blows, you'll turn to dust!"**_ I felt my body shake in anger. I heard Hige laughter reaching my ears and I shot a glare at him. Toboe, only snickered, _**"You guys always argue back and forth. It's truly sad."**_ I looked at Toboe and rolled my eyes. _**"Polar, you walk behind me. Hige and Toboe walk behind Polar and Tsume walk behind them. I bet not hear no bickering between the two of you."**_ Kiba barked sternly at all of us as he begins to walk. I growled one last time before following Kiba.

We were in the middle of nowhere. I could not see anything in the distance, and the snow was falling heavily. I growled quickly and shook my head quickly. I smelt something very file. It made my nostril hairs burn. _**"Cheza!"**_ I heard Kiba bark happily as he begin to run ahead of us. I just stood there, what he was talking about… Whom Cheza and what is this foul smell? Hige and Toboe ran past me to follow Kiba. I still stood stunned. I felt something warm brush against my fur. It shook me out of my thoughts. "_**That smell is the flower…Cheza…Kiba's got a special connection with that girl. She is not human-""She stinks."**_ I growled out strongly. Tsume winced back in shock and he studied my face. I started to walk and he began to walk beside me. _**"I don't care how Kiba feels to her and I don't give a hell about her name. She is burning my nostrils hair."**_ I growled out walking toward the snitch. Tsume chuckled, _**"I never met a wolf who hates the smell of a flower. What kind of wolf are you?" "I don't hate the smell of a flower….I hate the smell of a creature that wasn't brought into this earth by nature but created."**_ I growled aggressively. I stopped and sat down. Tsume kept walking before turning to look at me. _**"Why aren't you going to keep walking?" "The stench is too strong. I can only go this far, Tsume."**_ I barked at him, out of anger. Tsume growled, _**"Well stay here then and become a frozen statue! I don't care no more about you, bitch!"**_ I stood and got into Tsume's face, "_**YOU DON'T KNOW HOW FUCKING HORRIBLE SHE SMELLS! TO YOU SHE SMELL LIKE FLOWERS AND SOME SHIT! NEVERTHELESS, TO ME, SHE SMELLS LIKE SHIT, DEAD THINGS, ETC! TSUME YOU GOT ONE-" **_

Tsume cut me off by pressing his nose against mines. I backed up in shock. Tsume growled at me low and pounced on top of me. I tried to shove him off but his weight got heavier as he put it down. I landed on my side. He shoved me on my back and begins to lick and nip around my neck roughly. I felt my stomach become hot. No, I wasn't ready for this. I growled but soon my growl became a whimper when Tsume bit my neck hard enough to hush me up. I whimpered and nipped at his ear. Tsume growled again before pulling away and pressing his nose against mines. I felt stomach get warm again. I didn't see Tsume like that, I wasn't in the mood to mate or have a companion. I was about to bite at his neck when he nipped my ear. _**"Stop fighting it, you are in this pack Polar. Kiba believes that Cheza will guide us to paradise."**_ Tsume growled out lowly, almost like a purr.

I looked into his golden eyes, _**"I don't care Tsume. I been to paradise and now I am out. I don't need her help to find something that I was already in." "Then why won't you tell us how to get there if you been there once before…. Polar…."**_ Tsume barked out lightly. I pressed my snout to the side of his snout. Then I whispered something into his ears that no one was to hear. Tsume eyes got wide and pulled off me slowly, when we heard Toboe's barks in the distance. I stood and shook the snow off me. Tsume looked at me with this look of amazement, yet with a look of annoyance. I could only giggle at the confused look he was giving me. I jumped back quickly when I felt a slap of stench hit my nostrils. I looked up to see Kiba, Hige, and Toboe. My eyes traveled to the girl beside Kiba. They were holding hands and she looked at me with amazement. She reached out to me, "She's pretty." I heard her whisper… Therefore, this must be Cheza, her voice sound like nails on a chalkboard to me. I growled and was about to bite her hand. When Kiba stood in front of me growling, _**"Don't you dare bite Cheza! Or you will be asking for trouble!"**_ I felt a sting of emotion surge through my body but I still stood my ground. _**"Well, tell your precious flower to not touch me! I ain't some damn dog you pat!"**_ I growled back getting in Kiba's face. Why is he acting like this? Why is he being so over protective? I saw Cheza touch Kiba's backside, "Kiba, don't…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend her." Kiba turned his head and shifted to his human form. "Cheza, Polar is disrespectful when it comes to meeting new people. She-" I shifted to my human form but stilled let out a deadly growl. "I dare you say I need anything from this piece of dead meat! She reeks, get her away from me, NOW!" I barked at Kiba.

I felt Toboe touch my shoulder, "Polar, Cheza will help us-" "I know, Tsume told me! I don't need her help to a place I already went to!" I said sternly at Toboe. I didn't want to yell at him because it wasn't his fault I was upset. I looked at Hige who was frowning at me. Why did it seem like I was in the wrong here? I felt like I was doing the right thing. I didn't want to go against my own instincts. "Guys, we shouldn't be fighting…. We can all get along." Toboe said softly. Cheza smiled at Toboe, "Toboe's right… We all can get along. Polar, I'm sorry for whatever I did to offend you but I wish to be friends in the future." I glared at her, "You can't change how I feel towards because my instinct is telling me to hate you and I do. Me, myself, and I already don't like you. I don't you around me….Kiba, either she goes or I do…." I looked at Kiba who was holding her hand. I heard Toboe and Hige gasp. Hige took a step forward, "You can't go, Polar! You just got into this pack!" "I agree with Hige, you can't go! I don't want to decide between you two." Toboe light voice broke through. I looked at both of them and then I looked over my shoulder at Tsume who had his hands in his pocket. "I already know who I'm staying with and that's Kiba." I nodded my head in understanding to him.

I took a step back when I felt Toboe body lightly tackle-hug mines. I wrapped my arms around him. He buried his face into my chest as he shed tears. I patted his head lightly. "Toboe, you don't have to choose between Kiba and me….I'm making you stay…You hear me." Toboe nodded his head in between sobs. I kissed the top of his head.

_Hold up... hold on... don't be scared,  
You'll never change what's been and gone.  
May your smile... Shine on...  
Don't be scared,  
Your destiny may keep you warm._

I held Toboe tighter as his cries became even heavier. I looked up Hige sadly and saw that he too was getting teary eyed from the scene.

Cause all of the stars have faded away,  
Just try not to worry,  
You'll see them some day.  
Take what you need,  
And be on your way,  
And stop crying your heart out.

Get up... (Get Up) Come on...  
(Come On) why you scared? (I'm not scared)  
You'll never change what's been and gone.

My teal eyes traveled over to Kiba. I looked into his crystal blue ones only to feel myself whimper lightly. I closed my eyes and held Toboe tighter, rocking side to side. I looked into his eyes again to see…..pain, hurt, betrayal, and …...care…...

Cause all of the stars have faded away,  
Just try not to worry,  
You'll see them some day.  
Take what you need,  
And be on your way,  
And stop crying your heart out.

Cause all of the stars have faded away,  
Just try not to worry,  
You'll see them some day.  
Just take what you need,  
And be on your way,  
And stop crying your heart out.

I reached my hand out to Kiba and I saw his other hand flinch lightly. He wanted to reach out to me. I know he wanted to grab my hand but….Cheza…..I turned my head lightly to see Tsume eyes on me and for once they were soft….like earlier…I felt Toboe grip tighten on my dress as he pulled me closer. I could feel my jacket and dress becoming damp from his tears.

When all of the stars were faded away,  
Just try not to worry,  
You'll see us some day.  
Just take what you need,  
And be on your way,  
And stop crying your heart out.

Stop crying your heart out. [x3]

I pulled away from Toboe with a bit of effort. He was holding on me tight. I lifted his head up with my finger and wiped his tears away. "Toboe…" I kissed the top of his forehead. I backed away and turned back to wolf form. I turned to my left and started to run. I had a feeling that's where I need to go. I felt my muscles contract as I ran.

I could feel the fresh air enter my nostrils and it felt amazing. I hope I do see them some day…Toboe…..Hige…..Tsume….Kiba…Kiba what were you feeling when I reached out to you. Did you wanted to grab me and hold me until I stop singing? I never did get the chance to thank him for earlier, when I sung. I felt my heart feel like a rock…. That's when I let rip, and howled. I howled as I ran. I started to grin to myself when I heard Toboe, and Hige howl back. I wasn't surprised when I didn't hear Kiba and Tsume.

I felt my heart feel high when I heard Kiba's howl. Therefore, he did feel a way that was loving and caring towards me. I howled once again. This time Tsume joined in the others howling and I knew I was going to see them again. My journey didn't end here… Hahaha no way!

TBC…

[STOP CRYING YOUR HEART OUT- LEONA LEWIS….YOU'LL NEVER WHO SHE'LL END UP WITH MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!]


	4. Chapter 4

I Knocked At Paradise Door

Chapter Four: I'm My Own Guardian

I was in a city that wasn't all popular. It passed a week since I left the pack. There were people who saw me and accepted me as a dog. The men would try to bribe me so that I would go hunting for them. I didn't mind and I was starting to enjoy it.

It was around midnight and I was walking the town streets. I felt like someone was following me. I turned to look over my shoulder only to see nothing. I turned back around and kept walking. I stopped when I heard a tin can be knocked over. I jumped around and started to growl.

"_**Who the hell is out there? Show yourself, scaredy-cat!" **_

A small little gray pup came strolling out of the alley. _**"P-please don't hurt me."**_ The pup barked lightly. She came to me with her tail between her legs and her ears tucked down tightly. I couldn't help but soften up. I licked the top of her head. She was younger then Toboe, almost like a month old. I could tell she was cold and hungry. The poor girl was probably still supposed to drink mother's milk. _**"My name is Starffire. What's your name?"**_ I watched with a little smile on my face when I saw her tail wag. I barked happily at her, _**"Polar, let's get out this weather before you freeze your tail off."**_

Starffire nodded her head eagerly and started to walk in front of me as we strolled down the street. We finally walked into a restaurant that left the door open. I shook some of the loose snow on me. That might have been on me, from the falling snow. The owner was an old lady that didn't mind our company. "My, my, you poor guys were out in that cold weather. I bet ya hungry, deary."

We watched as she walked behind the counter. Starffire barked happily and started to run around the place. I sat next to the doorway. I looked at Starffire as she barked and played around the restaurant. Toboe….I whimpered lightly. I missed that pup. He would enjoy having Starffire around. I giggled to myself; they would be so adorable with their puppy love. I jumped when I saw a big creamy tan thing walk into the store. I growled instantly, _**"Who the hell are you?" "Yea! Who are you?"**_ I heard Starffire barked angrily from a distance. I stood and turned to get a better look. To my surprise, I saw a female wolf. She had dark green eyes and her nose had a pink spot on it. The female tail was curled over her backside, like a husky. She had a lighter underbelly and was a little bit smaller then me.

"_**You can't just stroll up in here like you own the place**_." I barked out as she kept walking into the restaurant. I growled but stopped when the old lady came back out with a bowl full of broth for us to eat. She had three bowls, "Oh, I knew you would come here in Moonlet." Starffire ran up to Moonlet to greet her submissively. I on the other hand just walked up past her and brushed my sent on her. I heard a growl erupt from her throat. Oh she must be a dominate one. I growled back louder and turned to snap at her. She jump back and reached for my throat. I allowed her to reach for my throat and slowly flipped her over. Moonlet whimpered as she fell on her side and my weight was crushing her. She tried to struggle from under me but that only made it more painful. The way Moonlet was laying it made her strain on her spinal cord, and neck muscles. She released me and I then I grabbed her by her backbone. I could feel my teeth circle around her spinal cord and some tissue. Moonlet gave a bark/whimper in defeat. I let her go and watched as she stood up. _**"I see now, you're the very dominate type. What's your name?"**_ Moonlet barked lightly.

"_**Polar"**_ I barked back. I turned to see the old lady gone and Starffire was chowing down on her broth/soup. I looked at Moonlet and nodded my head, giving her the single that she could eat. She walked past me went to one of the bowls. I heard my stomach growl and blushed in embarrassment. I walked to the other bowl and begin eat. Once we were done, we all lied behind the counter. Therefore, if someone walks in they wouldn't see us. Starffire was curled up against my under belly and Moonlet was back to back with me. I know she was awake.

"_**Moonlet, where are you from?"**_

"_**A far off city that didn't accept wolves, I was just tired of trying to hide. I got here about a year ago. I didn't have a place to stay in the cold. When I saw this old lady…..She broke her hipbone because she fell on some ice. I found help for her. Ever since then she left her door open for strays to come in. She believes that all wolves need someone that won't chop their head off if they come by." **_

I giggled to myself, _**"I see but why is this town like this. They don't mind wolves one bit. Not just the old lady, everyone in this town. It's like they envy us…."**_

"_**In a way they kind of do, Polar. Long ago, this town was infested with wolves. The human travelers needed a place to stay and the wolves provided them shelter. They even helped hunt with the wolves. Yet, over time when other humans that didn't like wolves came in. They ran them out and destroyed them. Even some humans died with the wolves. That's why when you see them old men or women sitting on the steps. They are saying 'the time has come they come back home.' That means the time has come were wolves will walk this earth again and we are going to fight back." **_

I could hear the determination in her low growl. I nodded my head, _**"I agree with that old man. The time has come, that we fight back for this earth."**_

Moonlet barked happily, _**"Polar, your one interesting female. I never met a wolf, that's a female, so big. I thought you were a, male at first."**_

I could feel my fur prickle a bit, _**"Ha-ha, well I was the biggest in my litter. My mother told me I was a fighter."**_

I closed my eyes letting sleep take over….

Toboe kept whimpering as they traveled through the snow. Tsume was walking behind Toboe and Hige was beside him. Kiba was walking beside Cheza in front of everyone. They were all in their human forms.

Tsume growled/yelled at Toboe, "WOULD YOU SHUT THAT SHIT UP, TOBOE!"

Toboe jumped and turned to face Tsume. "Tsume I can't help it. I miss Polar. She was the only one that cared about this pack. You know I'm right!" Tsume jacked Toboe up by his collar of his shirt, "Who gives a fly horse shit about Polar? She left because she was too selfish for understanding the fact that Cheza can help us! Nevertheless, she was too damn busy believing that she went to paradise! NO one has been to paradise and back! She is a dead dog walking! A ghost telling lies!" Hige placed a hand on Tsume's shoulder. Tsume was trembling in anger, "If you miss Polar so damn bad, then why won't you take your ass with her!" Toboe eyes got watery as Tsume growled in his face. Kiba turned to face them, he tighten his grip on Cheza hand. Hige pulled Tsume off Toboe, "Would you stop barking at Toboe! He did nothing wrong! He is only missing the only female we'll ever probably come across that cares about us equally. Unlike someone who only cares about one person, or plant!" Kiba growled at Hige, "I dare you blame me for what happen! You know from the beginning you could've stayed in your pitiful city." "I could've but I didn't because I was pulled down into your bullshitty life! I believe Polar new her way around to paradise and she was going to help us but Cheza came! You having feelings for a thing that's not even suppose to be real! Some kind of wolf you are, Kiba!" Hige barked/yelled at Kiba. Kiba released Cheza hand and stepped into Hige's face. "I'll tell you this once! I'm heading to paradise and whoever wants to follow along can! Just don't bring me your bullshit because I ain't going to be trying to clean it up! Polar was just a come and go wolf-"

"Don't talk about her like that, Kiba! She was not a come and go wolf!" Toboe whispered out defensively. Tsume slowly released Toboe from his grasp and placed his hands on his hips annoyed. Cheza placed her hands against her chest. "K-Kiba, I'm sorry if I caused this must trouble…" Kiba turned to Cheza and quickly grabbed her hand. "No, no, Cheza, you haven't caused any trouble what so ever." Kiba whispered to Cheza calmly. Toboe only sobbed silently. Hige shook his head from side to side. Tsume frown while looking down at the ground. This was a huge mess.

I stood and stretched. I wasn't in human form all week. THs least I could do for my body was walk around town in this form, once. I was about to leave when I saw a little girl with two pigtails. She had a pair of leggings on that had butterflies on them, with a gray swing hooded dress. It was cute on her. The girl grabbed my hand and smiled. "Polar! Where are we off to now?" She asked. I felt my brain click, it was Starffire, and she was in her human form. I giggled lightly at how cute she looked. I jumped when I felt something lean against my shoulder. I turned my gaze to a girl that was a couple inches shorter than I was. The girl had a fountain bun like ponytail, with a blouse that hugged under her bust line and skinnies with cute shin high white boots. I smiled and nudge Moonlet who only giggled. "What, you thought only you had a human form?" Moonlet asked giggling. I rolled my eyes, "Naw, just thought you was too scared to come out your shell."

Starffire ran out the store skipping down the street. Moonlet slowly walked out following her. I watched them both go down the street. I couldn't help but giggle to myself. I walked out the store and made my way down the street as well. I could smell freshly cooked bread and my thoughts traveled straight to Hige. He always fined bread just to snack. Hige was always hungry, ha-ha, kind of made me hungry. I giggled at my silly thought. I jumped when I heard puppies barking. I turned to my left to see a box full of newly born puppies. The mother was lying beside as yelped. My thought lingered back to Toboe…back to the beginning…..back to my….

"Hey, Polar got some snacks!" I heard Starffire yell. I jogged over to her. I should thank her for pulling me out my thoughts. I smiled when I saw her as Moonlet approach Starffire and me, she handed us some bread. I grabbed the warm bun and looked at it slowly. I could smell the butter that melted over it as she spread it. I took a bite out of the bun. My heart filled with warmth. I didn't want to tell nobody but a warm bun is an easy way to my heart. I love warm bread, especially with a warm, buttery bun. I chewed on the bun as we strolled down the town. I giggled when I watched Starffire play with them. I gave the rest of my bread to one of the poorer ones. Moonlet was running errands to for people. I felt so warm here. I sighed, remembering what Iris sung to me once. As we walked through the meadow on a sunny day. I felt my face feel wit blood. I was blushing … for the first time in so many years….

_Flashback_

_I ran through the trees feeling giggly. I never felt so happy before. My swollen belly was keeping me from running fast. I knew Iris was close by. I could see his red fur. He had an odd color for a wolf but it blended in enough at night during hunting. They say his mother had a disease when she was pregnant with him. I didn't care but those clear eyes he had been so hypnotizing. _

_I heard him growl playfully from the distance. I tried to speed up my pace but I was panting to heavy. I stopped and lapped up some water from a pond. I jumped when I felt another cold nose touch mines. I looked up to meet Iris face. He growl happily and barked. I jumped and barked back. I place one paw on him. _

"_**Naw, Polarisa please stop lifting your paws up so much. Your weight is not balance."**__ Iris growled at me lightly, nipping my ears, I giggled and barked lightly. I felt a warm fire build within me. I felt my eyes burn. Iris backed away from me slowly. I stared at him and took steps back from him. The sun was setting and I was the 'setting sun'. I had to greet the moon. I looked up at the sky. My eyes begin to glow and a red design formed around/on them. I felt the energy travel from my eyes to the sky. I growled loudly. I knew the earth under me shook with a low vibration. That when I let a piercing howl rip through the cloud, breaking the surface. _

_I heard my pack join the union of howling. I was the path that guided the wolf packs through the night. I was the guardian that lit their nights. I was the wolf that was the paradise key….Yet; I was kicked out of this once paradise…_

_I slowly stopped howling and the moon fullness was in the navy blue sky. I jumped when I felt fur rub against mines. I barked happily… Iris growled happily and nuzzled me again. I growled low almost a purr. I licked behind his ears and he begins cleaning my fur. I lied down side, my round under belly in Iris full view. He pressed his nose lightly against my stomach. I growled defensely from instinct. _

"_**Calm down, I won't hurt them. Polarisa, I won't our pups."**__ Iris growled back, __**"You are showing traits of a very over protective mother…. That's good." **_

"_**Is that a good thing or a bad?" **__I barked at him sharply/playfully. Iris barked a laugh at me, "It's good as long as you protect from the bad in life and not the good. If you protect them….teach them that it's their choice if they want to venture into the world… teach them from right or wrong… they won't be defenseless." Iris growled lightly against my stomach. I lied full on my side look straight ahead instead of at him…._

_End Flashback_

Iris….Why did you have to go? Why paradise punish me? I did nothing wrong….So why kick me out from that wonderful daydream? I jumped when Starffire grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the kids. They were helping an old man paint his house. I smiled softly at the kids. They all were so fragile. I saw Moonlet helping inside the house; she was enjoying herself with a nice paint fight. Starffire pulled me to the back of the house and handed me a brush. She then giggled and ran off. I jumped when I felt something wet and cold slap against my skin. I looked at the five kids giggling.

"You gonna help us right…First we must mark you." One said happily running into my arms. I giggled, "Oh, really." I grabbed a handful of paint and flung it at all of them. That's when the game begins.

Kiba, Tsume, Hige, and Toboe stomachs growled in union.

"I'm HUNGRY!" Hige yelled to the top of his lungs.

"Shut up! We all are….the only person that isn't hungry is – Oh….never mind." Toboe whispered the last part.

Cheza got tooken back with the Nobles and Kiba was in a depressed/anger mood. The mention of Cheza name set him in an alert state.

Tsume growled lightly to himself. It passed ten days, since Polar left. It seem like they cannot survive without her. Tsume growled louder and stomped in front of Kiba. Tsume jacked Kiba up.

"Get a hold of yourself! We always in the end get Cheza back! We are hungry and our energy is dying quickly! That pup over there is the youngest and the smallest. He didn't eat for a while…! He'll die first….But we'll eat the fat one first before anything!" Tsume nagging was cut short when Toboe fell to his knees.

"W-Why do we have to eat each other if-" Toboe couldn't finish his sentence before passing out. Hige ran over to him and shook him. "HEY TOBOE! WAKE UP!" Hige yelled as he shook him. Tsume yanked Kiba to face him.

"Take us to the closet village so we can get something to eat! You're the leader! Now act like one!" Tsume yelled to his fullest extinct. Kiba glared at Tsume but soon sighed and nodded his head.

"Fine if it's food you want, then we'll go looking for it. But don't come to me when we don't reach paradise and the Nobles kill us all." Kiba said venomously.

"We can't die off, there's Polar. She able to reproduce-"

"WILL YOU GUYS STOP MENTIONING HER DAMN NAME! POLAR IS NOT HERE NOW! SHE IS GONE BECAUSE SHE WAS AN ASS! SHE WANTED US TO BELIEVE A LIE SHE MADE UP!" Kiba yelled pushing Tsume off him.

They all came to a silent agreement… Head the way Polar went. Where she goes there was always food or something that can restore their energy. They just hope they catch up to her before they all pass out….

TBC

[I FORCED MYSELF TO STOP TYPING THIS CHAPTER HAHAHAHA]


	5. Chapter 5

I Knocked at Paradise Doors

Chapter Five: We Meet Again

I sneezed as I finished up on painting the back of the house. The kids left and went home. Moonlet was in the inside of the house finishing up, and Starffire was out on the front. I grabbed the bucket of paint and walked around front only to see a sight that made me smile motherly. Moonlet and Starffire were leaning on each other sleeping. I giggled to myself as I grabbed their buckets and dumped the paints on them. They jumped up in shock and I dropped the buckets running. I felt myself shift to my natural body. I felt my paws dig into the dirt. I heard barks and growls coming from behind me. I giggled to myself. I had to wake them up somehow. My body got stiff when I smelled a familiar sent. It smelled like… Toboe. I stopped in my tracks and sniffed the air. I caught whiff of it again and ran into one of the alleys. Where they nearby, why did they come here?

"_**Toboe?"**_ I barked out in curiosity. I kept walking down the alley until I came to a fence. I turned my head left and saw a gray wolf lying on the ground panting. As I walk closer, I saw another wolf but this one was a little bit honey if not darker, and was a bit chubby. That's when the wind blew and the scent tackled my nose. I took a hesitant step back. I barked as I ran over to them, _**"Tsume! Hige! Wake up!"**_

I jumped a bit back in surprise when Tsume growled at me. _**"Would you stop making all that damn, noise? Some people just want to die in peace without all that barking**_!" Tsume growled at me. I tilted my head in confusion. _**"What are you**_ _**talking about dying?" "We are so hungry; we just want to die in peace Polar."**_ Hige barked hoarsely, his throat must be sore from lack of water. I glared at him and ran out the alley quickly. I wasn't paying much attention and I bumped into Starffire who barked playfully. _**"Found you Polar….What's wrong polar?" **_Starffire barked worriedly. Moonlet looked at me with a worried face as well but was trying her best to cover it up.

"_**Go in the alley behind me and turn right. You should see two wolves laying there. Watch them for me as I go hunting for some food."**_ I barked demandly as I ran off down the street. I was running back to the old lady restaurant. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Kiba and Toboe. I ran to them and growled in angrily. _**"What are you guys doing? Tsume and Hige are starving…"**_ I took a step back in shock and to my surprise. They were eating raw boar meat.

Toboe dropped the meet in his mouth and ran up to me to lick my face. I shook my head back and I couldn't help but feel a grin spread across my snout. _**"I missed you, Polar."**_ Toboe barked happily. I looked past Toboe at Kiba. He was giving me a compressed emotion. It looked like it could have been worries, missing, happiness….I didn't know what Kiba felt towards me. After a while I'm slowly going to stop caring. I walked up to him, "Kiba I hope you know that Tsume and Hige are in an alley starving to death. While you two eat to your fullest content."

Kiba grabbed a piece of meat and walked past me. I felt that all white fur brush against mines and I couldn't help but growl. I felt like he was trying to intimated me. Kiba growled back at me, "We were going to eat first to get our energy back. Then go back to them to eat. Toboe was the first one to pass out before we got here. Yet, along the way Hige found a lizard and let Toboe have it. In return for Toboe and I to find food and bring it back once our energy is restored. Why find food to bring back to someone else, if you yourself is about to pass out? Then how will the food get to the others?" Kiba kept walking and I could feel Toboe worrisome eyes on me. I didn't turn to look at them. Once I knew they were far enough I felt a growl emit through my throat.

Kiba thinks he a true pack leader. Yea, right and I'm a bird that is just going through puberty. I was better off without a pack on my back. I was able to survive on my own just find….I did it for so many years that I forgot how it felt to have someone care for you. Even when Iris was still around, I was starting to pull away from him and do lesser things to help him….

_Flashback_

_I felt myself giggle as Iris nuzzled my neck. I was lying in the den and he just came back from a pack hunt. Iris dropped a dead rabbit in front of me. I crawled over to the rabbit and slowly begin chew on the rabbit meat. _

"_**I found a lake nearby and I want you to rinse off before birthday."**__ Iris barked lightly. I felt my ears become erect to the sound of his comment. I didn't really feel like getting out of my warm den just to rinse off, even if I needed one. Once I was done eating Iris convinced me to come to the lake with him. I came and set on the edge of the lake. He was in the lake swimming around. _

"_**Polarisa, please sit in the shallow part or something."**__ Iris whimpered out to me. I only gave him a light glare. __**"No, Iris I see no point of me getting in the stupid lake. I see no other wolves in the lake."**__ I growled out lightly. Iris gave me a cold stare, __**"They got in earlier and I told them you'll be out later. However, you were sleeping and I didn't want to disturb you."**_

_I glared, "__**This is disturbing me, Iris." "I'm only doing this for your own good, Polarisa."**__ Iris whimpered softly at me. _

_I stood and growled an aggressive growl, __**"I dare you say you're doing this for my own good. I don't need to be playing in some damn water. I can take a bath when I'm not so heavy! Besides, you do nothing for me!" **__I whimpered when Iris got out the lake quicker then I could breathe. I took a couple clumsy steps back. He was giving this threatening glare. I whimpered again when I heard a loud growl erupt through him. It almost seemed as the whole earth was shake from his growl. _

"_**I am ashamed that you say that Polarisa! After all I do! You don't do enough for me. You never do enough for me! I'm always giving 99 percent effort and you're giving 1 percent. Ever since you got bigger you became lazy and distance from the pack. I know you stay distance from the pack but you don't have to be nasty to wolves that want to be helpful to you. Those are the main wolves that will help you throughout raising the pups." **_

_Iris eye became soft and his fur wasn't on edge no more._

_Easy come, easy go  
That's just how you live, oh  
Take, take, take it all,  
But you never give  
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, Had your eyes wide open  
Why were they open?_

_I felt my back side brush against a tree and I sat on the ground. I watched in awe as Iris approached me so slowly._

_Gave you all I had  
And you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, you did  
To give me all your love is all I ever asked, Cause what you don't understand is_

_I could feel the pups stir in my stomach as Iris took a slow step to me. Yet then he stopped…._

_I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh  
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,  
Yes, I would die for ya baby; But you won't do the same_

_I winced when I felt a raindrop touch my fur. I didn't care if was raining, maybe this will make up for the lake.  
_

_No, no, no, no  
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said "hey" when you get back to where you're from  
Mad woman, bad woman,  
That's just what you are, yeah,  
You'll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car_

_I couldn't figure it out if I was crying or the rain made me like crying. Iris sat a couple feet from me as he sung to me. I couldn't tell if he was crying either._

_Gave you all I had  
And you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did  
To give me all your love is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand is_

_I felt a whimper come out from my lips. This can't be happening to me. _

_I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh  
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,  
Yes, I would die for ya baby; But you won't do the same_

_I wanted to walk up to him and nuzzle him. Yet, as I kept staring at Iris it almost like he was shivering. I didn't know from what, though….. Was he cold? Or was he…crying? _

_If my body was on fire, ooh you'd watch me burn down in flames you said you loved me you're a liar because you never, ever, ever did baby..._

_I barked in surprise when I saw Iris charge at me and out snouts touched noses. I looked him straight into those beautiful clear eyes, the color of a cloud with a dark pupil and the red fur to make it look so interesting._

_But darling I'll still catch a grenade for ya  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh  
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,  
Yes, I would die for ya baby; But you won't do the same.  
No, you won't do the same,  
you wouldn't do the same,  
Ooh, you'll never do the same,  
No, no, no, no_

_I watched as Iris pulled away from me and walked past me. What Iris was really singing true? I just there as the rain came down. I thought I did enough for him. I thought I cared my own weight in the relationship…. I thought I showed him I cared even without saying it. I felt a slow pattern of whimpers come out my body. I stood slowly and walked back to the den to see nothing. Iris didn't return back to the den. I felt the river of tears come out of me, for that was the first night I ever slept without anybody to keep me warm. _

_The next morning I found out that Iris hasn't been seen since from the hunting pack and me. Nurse, my friend, ran to me and nuzzled my fur. Nurse mid-night blue fur glisten in the morning sun and I felt something was about to happen. __**"Polarisa, we found out that Iris left…"**_

"_**Then go find him! We are wolves we can sniff each other out!" **__I felt a growl escape my throat as I looked at her. I hate being worried. It always made me angry._

"_**The thing is he left this world….not the just the pack…" **__Nurse whimpered for sympathy. _

_I felt everybody eyes on me. I felt this huge piece of live being ripped out of me and I didn't like it. I whimpered and the pack drew in closer to give me comfort. Yet, all their furs didn't compare to Iris's red fur and those clear eyes. I whimpered stronger as I felt other around me whimper. I can't believe he killed himself._

_End Flashback_

I felt strong pain shoot through me. I shook my head and turned around to catch up with Kiba and Toboe. I may have seemed distant in the past but this time I want others to know that I care for them, even if I have to say it.

I saw Toboe face lightens up when I walked beside him Kiba turned around and gave me a …. Smile? I smiled back and I knew this was going to hurt my pride but I had to say it.

"_**I miss you guys."**_ I whimpered out.

I stood still when Kiba and Toboe eyes got wide. I knew they would be surprise but what happen next surprised me the most from Kiba.

"_**I missed you too!"**_ Toboe barked happily.

Kiba looked over his shoulder, those golden eyes piercing my teal ones.

"_**I missed you also…..Glad you're back."**_ Kiba barked out as he kept walking.

I stood there for a couple of seconds. I felt my heart skip a couple of beats, Kiba….Thank you.

I growled as I watched Hige flirt with Moonlet. After giving Tsume and Hige their share of the food, they were back to their usual selves. I giggled as Toboe and Starffire went to go play with the kids. Tsume was just chilling back; he was laying in the shade on the porch. Kiba was walking around the town just to take a stroll. Hige was following Moonlet like a lost puppy. I giggled at that.

I was lying beside Tsume. I made it a goal to get Tsume to say he missed me. Hige already nuzzled me and confessed he missed me. I only need Tsume to confess. I giggled as he growled when our fur brushed each other.

"_**Get away from me Polarisa**_." Tsume growled.

I whispered Tsume my full name when we were in the snow. He was shocked that I my name was a name of a rare crystal in the portal. It was a rumor that not a lot of people know about it including animals.

Yet my mother knew of the stone. Tsume only calls me my full name when we alone with each other or he's annoyed.

I giggled again as I brushed up against him again.

"_**Stop,"**_ Tsume growled again glaring at me.

"_**Admit it Tsume, you missed me."**_ I barked happily rolling over on him.

I felt his warm body rumble under mines as he growled.

I watched as he shifted into human form and walked off the porch. The man waved bye to Tsume and soon I turned human to follow after him.

"Tsume please admit it so I can protect Moonlet from Hige." I said half heartedly.

I grabbed onto Tsume's arm and cuddled with him as we walked. I could hear the elders saying how much cute young love is. I knew Tsume anger vein was popping out his head because he was trembling.

I couldn't hold in my giggle for long.

He yanked his arm form me, "Ok! OK! Damn your annoying Polarisa! I missed you annoying, fat, over weights self!"

I felt my anger vein pulse at the size comments. I could hear Tsume snickering and I knew he did that on purpose. I looked at him and glared. I didn't have time to argue with him. I turned on my heels and walked the opposite way.

I could hear Tsume laughter. I couldn't help but smile.

'I missed you too Tsume.' I thought to myself. I truly missed this pack…..

I hope I can enter paradise with them…

TBC [A/N: GRENDE-BRUNO MARS, SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE]


	6. Chapter 6

I Knocked At Paradise Doors

Chapter Six: Owned

After about a couple of days we eventually left the small little town that cherished wolves. The funny thing is that Moonlet and Starffire didn't stay. They wanted to join the group and travel to paradise with us.

"_**Starffire will you stop acting so hype!"**_ Tsume growled out as he nipped at Starffire hind legs.

Starffire yelped and growled defensively at Tsume. _**"You are always messing with me! Leave me alone, old dog!"**_ Starffire barked out aggressively.

I tried to hold my snicker but I couldn't. I watched as Tsume eyes cut sharp into mines. I never knew Tsume would be so worried about age. I turned my head to Kiba; he was staring at Moonlet ever since she joins the group. Did he like her? I felt this pang of jealousy come over.

Moonlet was a very attractive wolf but for her to be leader. That was impossible; she can't be an alpha female. I felt a growl escape my lips but jumped when I felt a nip at my hind legs. I turned to see Toboe and he saw the look on my face. He was wondering what was wrong with me.

I shook my head from side to side. I didn't want to tell him. He wouldn't understand because he was too young. I barked out a laugh when I watched as Tsume grab Starffire from the cuff of her neck and carry her.

She growled weakly, _**"I'm not a pup no more! Let me go, Tsume!"**_

"_**Not until you behave and calm down!"**_ Tsume growled out. I snickered and slowly walked up beside him.

I snickered again; my row of k-9's showing. _**"You look so fatherly carrying her. How sweet, Tsume has grown up!"**_ I barked lightly. I felt Tsume stiffen beside me, I started to snicker again.

"_**Moonlet, so tell us about yourself."**_ Hige barked out lowly. I knew what he was trying to do.

Moonlet looked at him and gave him a light glare. _**"I'm mixed breed. I am part husky, from my mother side. I mean she was half husky and I'm like ¼ husky. My dad was a pure wolf. The only thing I got from my husky side was my tail and fur color. Other than that Hige I'm your average wolf."**_

Kiba walked up on the other side of her. _**"That means if you breed with another wolf then that husky side will not really affect the next generation."**_

I froze when Kiba barked those words lightly. Was he thinking about making Moonlet a mate? I growled lightly again. Why was I being so jealous? I only wanted to see Kiba as the leader….But I don't very much like when there's another female higher than me.

I turned to look over to my right to only see Tsume fur. I didn't even know he let go of Starffire and moved beside me. I looked into his golden eyes. I felt a wave of emotions tear out of me. I tried to hold down my whimpers but they surfaced. I felt my head become low and I pressed myself against Tsume's side as we walked. That gray fur of his was so welcoming. I felt my fur become on edge when I felt a tongue lick over my fur. I looked up at Tsume giving me a calming look. That's when he licked behind my ear, lightly nipping at the fur.

"_**Tsume what are you doing?"**_ I barked out lightly. No one seemed to notice Tsume and me. They were wrapped up in each other. Kiba, Hige and Moonlet were talking. Toboe and Starffire were playing. We were one big happy pack.

I felt Tsume growl lightly, "_**Mating season is starting at midnight…"**_ Tsume pulled from me and walked ahead of me.

I stood there frozen, absorbing the information. If that is so, then all of us will be mated too. Moonlet has to choose between Kiba and Hige. Toboe don't have to choose because he got Starffire. Starffire maybe small but that is because she is part fox. Starffire's mother was the wolf and her father was fox. So in the making of her, she is a little bigger then a fox but smaller then a wolf. I think her size is adorable. I guess her size is what made her keep her inner pup.

I started to walk again but then I came to a slow stop. I just realized that I'm the only wolf that hasn't mated up. My only option is Tsume! I mean I can choose who ever Moonlet turn down right. I shook my fur lightly. I can't see myself mating with Tsume.

He is more like a brother to me then a lover. I shivered as I started to walk. I hate this wolf process. I wanted to be single for a while longer. I didn't have a mate in so many years. I didn't want to have one now. I'll just have to play it by the books.

I sighed and ran up to catch the group.

It was 10 minutes before midnight and I was having a panic attack. I don't know why but my lungs were racing and I wasn't feeling well. I was surprise no one else knew I was having this mini panic attack.

Moonlet barked and rolled against the cave wall. We found a cave in our travels and Kiba decided we stay here for the night. I was sitting at the entrance of the cave looking at the moon.

"_**Hige, you are a funny wolf!" **_Moonlet barked out as she kept rolling back and forth. Hige gave a light playful growl. Kiba sat a little down from Moonlet, looking at her.

I sighed and felt my ears lean back some. I didn't want anything to happen tonight. I looked up to my right to see Starffire curling up to Toboe for the night. I didn't want to disturb them.

I looked to my left to see Moonlet curling against Kiba and Hige. I just sat there near the entrance. I didn't want to move from this spot. I just wanted to be wide awake. I whimpered lightly and lied down. I was still in the entrance.

I jumped lightly when I felt Tsume glaring at me. I turned my head to face him and was kind of surprise to see him sitting right beside me.

"_**What's the matter with you, Polarisa?"**_ Tsume growled out as he lied down diagonal from me. I glared at him lightly, _**"Nothing is wrong with me! I just don't want to be bothered by other wolves…I'm not ready for a mate, Tsume." **_

I watched as Tsume's fur become more on edge_**. "What is preventing from being claimed as a mate? Where you mated before? Then what's the problem Polarisa? What can you be so afraid of! You're just one selfish bitch that-" **_Tsume growls came to a quick stop when I stood growling back.

"_**Shut the hell up Tsume! You know nothing of my past! I'm going to go through living a life where my pups die! I don't want to go through the pain of putting that through my body! I was mad at him! I was mad that he left me to take care of those pups by myself! Either he thought I would be able to do it or either he just didn't care! I still had to put my body through that damaging thing! He left me Tsume…..He left me…"**_ I took a step back as I growled still. My growls grew low as I sat there murmuring the end part over and over.

_FlashBack_

_I ran into the den that I once loved and called home. Now it was like a vacant place and I never wnated to return. Why did this happen to me? Why did everything bad happen to me. I just wanted to crawl in a whole and die. I felt the pups stir in my stomach...I looked down at my round black stomach. _

_If he wanted to kill himself and destroy me. I'll kill...them...and destroy what he ever gave me. I'll destroy the thing that he loved the most. Iris you may have beat me to death but I will make you stir in your damn grave for killing me inside. _

_I slowly walked to the river where everything happen. I looked down at the water and slowly made my way into it. I felt the rocks under me. I stopped on the edge of the shallow part, right where it become deep. I looked down in the deep abyss of the water. That's when I took one step forward and sunk to the bottom._

_I fought back the intinct to swim up for...No...I had to kill what he loved the most! I must kill what he loved the most...I don't want no memory of him. _

_I felt the water rushing into my lungs. My stomach filling with water as well. Everything was becoming dark...I couldn't see no more...Iris...Pups...Will you still accept me with love in the end..._

_..."**Polarisa! WAKE UP! Guys she coming back!"** Nurse barked out to me harshly._

_It felt wierd...I felt lighter...I sat up quikcly, making myself dizzy. I shook my head and looked at everyone that was sitting around me. They all gave a look of sorrow...What was wrong?_

_**"Polarisa...we couldn't save them...I'm sorry...we tried our all to save them..."** Nurse whimpered to me as she lowered her head. _

_My eyes got wide when i looked down at my slip stomach. I felt my whimpers coming. I wanted my pups back...I regretted ever saying I wanted to get rid of them. I realize how much I loved having them in me. I loved knowing I was making a life out of someone I loved...But out of my own selffish needs I killed the life i was creating. I wanted to kill myself now..._

_I didn't want to tell them the I killed the pupies on purpose...I wanted them to believe that I was swimming and I fell into the deep part._

_**"Let me be by myself...please Nurse...I'll be fine...just give me some time to myself..."** I whimpered to her. She nodded her head and turned to make everyone leave..._

_I sat there in the darkness of the forest. I wanted to be left alone to feel depress in my own thoughts. Forgive me Iris...Pups..._

_I felt my markings glowing and I had to let out a howl. I howled to the moon, that night none stop. I wasn't going to stop till every drop of my energy was gone...Til every breathe was out my lungs...Til every tear I cried was dried up..._

_I stopped quickly and jumped when I heard gun shots...! _

_**"NO! Hunters!"** I barked out aggressively as my markings burned with energy. _

_I jumped and ran throught the forest back to the main group. I had to help my pack! _

_Funny...how things are taken from you...and when there gone you just realize how much every single wolf meant to you...how much each everyone had made an impact on you...interesting how my turn of events happen to me..._

_End Of Flashback_

I felt myself shivering and that's when the wave of whimpers came. Tsume slowly lifted himself up and walk over to me. He brushed his fur against me and pushed me against the wall entrance.

I stumbled over and sat down lightly. Tsume then slowly made his way behind me.

Everything that happens next was almost a blur of my time.

Tsume bit the cuff of my neck and he growled lightly. I lied down in front of him. I growled back in return and felt my entrance open lightly. He hopped on top of my and entered me. I barked lightly at the intrusion. I looked up as best as I can and realized his pushed me on the other side of the wall. No one could see what we we're doing. I felt safe for some reason, Tsume's under belly touching my back. I whimpered as he kept pounding into me. It felt so good doing this. I felt Tsume stiffen on top of me as he ejaculated in me.

I barked and licked his muzzle lightly. He hopped off me but we were still locked. I didn't mind, I didn't put a fuss that we were still lock. I just got annoyed when he kept pulling me in a different direction.

Tsume was done and pulled out of me. I turned my back on him and started to lick myself clean.

"_**I won't leave you Polarisa…I won't let you down."**_ Tsume barked softly as bit into the cuff of my neck again. I knew he wanted to start the routine all over again.

After about 30 minutes of breeding, we walked back to the others. They didn't wake up from my barking and whimpers. I walked over to the far left corner and lied down. Tsume joined me in the corner and curled up behind me.

"_**What will we tell the others later on?" **_I barked lightly to him.

"_**Nothing, they will know enough information without us saying anything. I don't even feel like hearing their mouths anyway."**_ Tsume growled out fiercely.

I couldn't help but giggle. How can someone be so mean and cold, yet at times like this you realize everyone got a soft side? I rolled my eyes and leaned some weight back on Tsume.

Tsume bit my ear lightly, "Now get some rest…I saw you limping!" I felt my fur heat up from his comment.

"_**If you were gentler I wouldn't be limping! You asshole! Damn, I know what my body is doing!"**_ I growled back in defense.

Tsume bit my shoulder with a little bit of force but nothing damaging. _**"I was gentle but you're just too damn fragile! I mean who keep whimper after the ejaculation! So don't get salty with me bitch!"**_ Tsume growled out as he bit a little harder.

I burst out laughing. Tsume was so easily mad. It was almost cute if you pushed him the right way. I closed my eyes and sighed into Tsume's fur. It felt nice to be waned again. I guess I did play by the books and everything came out just fine.

I just hope it goes smooth when everyone wakes up…_Kiba…for some reason it felt like I betrayed you but at the same time… It feels like you betrayed me…. I just got back at you quicker…sorry. _

I thought before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

I Knocked On Paradise Doors

Chapter Seven: Confrontation

I woke up without the warmth of Tsume's gray fur. I heard growling and a faint noise of barking. I open my eyes to the beaming sunlight on the hot desert.

I saw Tsume and Kiba fighting. I hopped up quickly and ran out the cave.

"**Stop fighting you two!" **Starffire barked out as she kept jumping up and down.

Moonlet growled softly, "**Tsume just apologize for doing what you did!**"

Tsume growled aggressively at Kiba, "**HELL NO! I mated with her because I actually care about her! Why are you getting so upset Kiba? You're jealous because I mated Polar**!"

"**I hate when you only think of yourself. You didn't want to mate with Polar out of affection. You wanted to claim her because you knew that it was strong possibility that I would have mated with her. You were the insecure one about Polar!"** Kiba growled out as he attacked Tsume.

I ran in front of Tsume just in time before Kiba bit Tsume. I whimpered and winced as Kiba bit down on my shoulder. I growled out and stood my ground.

"**I should have a say so in this. You wolves should not fight like this over me! I'm flattered but in this ruining this pack!"** I growled/ whimpered as Kiba released me quickly realizing who he bit.

I heard Toboe whimper, "**Are you ok Polar? Are you hurt Polar?"** Toboe ran over to me and begin licking the wound Kiba inflicted on my shoulder.

I winced lightly but kept my glare strongly aimed at Kiba. He was looking at me surprised and hurt at the same time.

I growled and barked harshly, "**You have no reason to be offended. Kiba, you were showing signs to mate with Moonlet. So I took the one wolf that care enough to show me affection back. I dare you sit here and get mad because he claimed me. I made the choice of being claimed by him! I like my decision!"**

Kiba growled came to a low light vibration going through out his body. "You weren't showing any signs back and so I tried showing some affection back to another wolf to get you sparked up. However I wasn't trying to push you away…. I'm truly sorry Polar." Kiba said looking deep into my red wolf eyes with his crystal blue human eyes.

"I'm sorry you threw away a good chance Kiba." I said as I glared at him with my teal human eyes. "I hope you do get Moonlet as a mate just so you won't be lonely."

I stepped forward and I could feel some of the blood clinging to my half jacket. I couldn't help but let a smile tug at my lips.

"You're really going to miss me Kiba." I said walking past him.

Toboe pouted, "Your leaving? You can't leave Polar! Tsume, he mated with you, which mean you have to stay."

I didn't want to turn around and meet those sadden gold eyes of his human form. I hate hurting Toboe. He done nothing wrong to me yet in the end he is the only one that begs me back. I bit my lip and clenched my fist. Hoping the pain in my hand would take this mental pain away. If I could squeeze any harder I would have no hands but my hands were only so tight.

I felt my neck move on its own and it pained with every move. I glance over my shoulder and looked into Toboe's eyes. Then my eyes traveled to everyone else.

I couldn't help but smile at Starffire's human form. She was about 4'8 with one pony-tail, ruffled skirt, and a cute sleeveless blouse that matched some flats. I couldn't help but see the hurt in her hazel brown eyes.

Moonlet's human form was a little surprising. She had on a button down plaid shirt with one designed heart on the back, a pair of light tight jeans and a pair of striped adidas. Moonlet soft looking curly hair was out and lay on her shoulders lightly. Those tight curls made me want to play with them. Those amber eyes were giving a sympathetic look.

Hige was frowning at me and I dare not glance at Tsume. However my eyes disobeyed my thoughts.

Tsume tall tan form stood there with hurt eyes. I couldn't help but feel the strings of my heart being pulled. Kiba's back was to me but I knew he had a hurt look on his eyes too.

"I need a couple of-

"NO YOU'RE STAYING HERE! I'M TIRED OF YOU RUNNING AWAY BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO DAMN SCARED TO FACE THE FACTS OR DECIDE!" Tsume yelled out.

I jumped out my skin from my skin from my outburst but I tried to cover it up by stretching.

I let my lips go up in a weak smile, "I guess your right Tsume. I can't leave now that I have started the mating season off with you."

I started to make my way to Tsume. I was just about to walk past Kiba. When Kiba grabbed me by the arm and swung me around to press his lips against mines.

I didn't know what to do but on instinct I kissed back. It felt right but yet I felt like pushing away in discuss.

I could hear Tsume growling and I knew he was about to attack Kiba after he let me go. Kiba pulled away from me and everything else happen so fast.

I see a gray blur jump over my shoulder aiming at Kiba's shoulder. I stumbled to the ground and in the blur of everything going on I could only see Kiba and Tsume going at each other's throats.

Hige was slightly lifting me up and carrying away from the fight. For some reason I felt so damn tired that I couldn't move, something wasn't right.

"Please guys, we can't break them up. Just let them go at it. They will run out of energy." Hige said to the worrying Moonlet, Toboe, and Starffire. I could only nod my head a bit.

But I wanted to speak yet my mouth was tapped so damn tight with something that just won't spit out. I couldn't even think straight. Was it time…..time for the moon to hear that wolf lullaby? Did the Paradise Key, which 'set the sun', start to activate now?

I haven't activated my abilities ever since my pack left.

I felt the darkness slip into my mind. Hige's voice couldn't be heard through my keen hearing. I didn't want to fade out during a time like this.

_**Flash back**_

_I lipped lightly over to a spot in the shade under the beautiful blossom tree. The only wolf that was alive with me was an adolescent wolf. The wolf name was Bolo. He was a sweet pup but I couldn't defend him in my situation._

"_**You must leave me Bolo. Now**__!" I barked out lightly._

_Bolo shook his head and whimpered, __**"I'm staying with you Alpha Polarisa." **_

_I felt my marks around my eyes glow again but they were faint. I couldn't use a lot of energy. Since I used my energy to fight off the hunters and used my abilities to help my other pack members escape._

_Bolo took a step back, "__**Alpha Polarisa-"**_

"_**LEAVE NOW!"**__ I growled out aggressively._

_I watched as Bolo ran off in the distance._

"_**Leave before you die and something happen to you."**__ I whimpered to myself._

_I felt my lungs tighten and my breathing coming in quick gasp for air._

_The sun was setting. Please tell me that the time has not come. I'm weak to give the moon its lullaby._

_I whimpered as I tried to breathe better but it only got worse._

_I heard people and hooves on the ground…..this was going to end badly…_

TBC IM BACK SORRY 4 NOT TYPING LAPTOP WASN'T AROUND ME =[ HOPE U LIKE


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